Common knowledge suggests that bad children should play games about bad children. When I was a boy in grade school, a standardized test placed me in advanced detention and in advanced detention I was required to play an educational computer game titled YOU WILL NEVER BE GOOD. The introductory narrative explained that the game that took place in a struggling village of five. The village never had enough firewood even though the village was surrounded by a forest. At the start of every game I was elected Mayor. My duty was to send the townsfolk into the forest to retrieve firewood. I sent the townsfolk into the forest once and they never returned. The game hinted the townsfolk never returned because I was a terrible Mayor. Without townsfolk to retrieve firewood, I was forced to bring firewood from the forest. There I found magnificent baby. A narrative explained that she was the youngest daughter of winds and wilds and she was in need of an industrious guardian. I was the Mayor of the town and the Mayor of the magnificent baby. She had fits which caused freezing blasts of winter that swept streets with great calamity. Even though the village was without residents, there were still houses the baby’s fits could destroy. The game hinted that the townsfolk would return to the village from the forest if I succeeded as Mayor. Always, the little village ended up buried in snow and ashes. The magnificent baby had other fits which caused flaming blasts of summer. Soon the forest dissolved the streets and houses. Maybe it took years. I’m not sure how time worked in the game, but I never won, because the game told me I was a terrible Mayor and would never be good. Sometimes I remember the game and wonder if I could play it now, if I would still lose.